Do you know someone who is floundering? Is your heart breaking for them? Do you feel helpless because you don’t know any way to alleviate their trouble?
Here’s one suggestion: be an encourager. To me, the word “encourage” sounds like it is the power to inject courage into someone’s heart and life. Who couldn’t use some extra courage?
I would like to offer some suggestions for encouraging others, but first a disclaimer. In order to encourage someone, you must KNOW them. In fact, you need to study them. And you must truly be eager to help them. Otherwise, you’re not an encourager; you’re a manipulator.
For convenience, let’s pick a name. Let’s say you want to encourage a friend named Bongo. Here are some ideas:
1 Spend Time. We’ve all heard it said that children spell love T-I-M-E. Well, it’s not just true of children. In order to genuinely impact Bongo’s life, you have to prove you really care about her. And there’s no better way to prove your love than to share with her the most precious gift you have – your time.
Okay, doing what? Well, this is where you have to be sensitive and creative. Let’s say Bongo is floundering because she’s in a time crunch. You might meet her for a quick lunch or stop by to help her wash the car. Maybe there’s something you can do to lighten her load – take the kids for an evening, wash the dishes, get the oil changed in her car, etc. But don’t add to her troubles by asking for time she doesn’t have.
Of course, a time crunch is just one possible issue. Maybe Bongo is depressed and doesn’t want to see anybody. Maybe she’s fighting with her husband or worried about her children. Maybe her boss is a ring-tailed moron. Whatever her issues are, you’ll probably need to let her pick an activity. Or accept her assessment that she can’t possibly spend any time with you.
2 Listen. Listening goes with #1 because you can’t listen without investing Time. And it doesn’t count if you’re just there with your mouth closed, but not hearing a word Bongo says. If you’re not listening with both your mind and your heart, then you’re not listening, at all.
Fact is, the best gift of Time you can give may be Listening Time. Bongo may need to share her pain with someone who really cares. She may need a sounding board who can help her shape and assess her ideas. She may be able to pour out her heart to a caring friend, then go back to her life feeling refreshed.
3 Write a note. I’m thinking – write a note on a piece of paper. Text messages on your phone are valuable for checking in, asking a question, making a connection, etc. But those messages are almost always created to be forgotten. They are valuable and necessary, but they don’t have lasting impact.
Make the note short, especially if Bongo is dealing with time issues. It might be a thank you note for something Bongo has done or just for being Bongo. It might be a reminder of an anniversary or a fun time that will let Bongo know you’re thinking of her and cherishing her friendship.
It will be more special if you mail it. An email is better than nothing. But I get so much snail mail spam any more that a personal note or letter among all that litter feels like a miracle! I bet Bongo will be equally encouraged if she finds a note from you along with the bills and ads.
4 Send a small, meaningful gift. If you’ve really studied Bongo, you may know her favorite snack or flower or color. You can use that information to get her a gift that says something like, “I’m thinking about you.” “You’re important to me.” “I really know you.”
It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift. But if it’s a gift that shows you’re paying attention to her and you care about her, you’ll make her day!
5 Ask for a favor. Sometimes, Bongo just needs to feel needed. For example what if she’s suddenly got an empty nest? Or she might have retired and isn’t settled into a new routine yet. Or maybe she’s just fed up with all the chores she does for her family, and nobody ever says, “Thank you.”
In this case, you have to KNOW Bongo because you want to ask her to help you with something she will enjoy doing. If she’s sociable, maybe she would like to make some phone calls for you. If she likes children, she could help you plan Junior’s third birthday party. If she loves to cook, you might suggest someone who needs a special treat.
Obviously, the point isn’t to get some free labor out of Bongo. The point is to help her realize that she’s valuable, and she has something to contribute. Of course, in the process, you want to make sure she knows how much you appreciate her help.
🙂🙂🙂
John C. Maxwell, well-known inspirational speaker, has said, “…you should never forget that everyone needs encouragement. And everyone who receives it…is changed by it.”
Encouragement is a powerful thing. It has the ability to uplift and inspire, to give hope and motivation, to strengthen and embolden. It can make all the difference in someone’s life. And you can be sure of this lovely fact: encouraging Bongo will encourage you at the same time.
So, go forth and shine the bright light of encouragement in the lives of your family and friends!
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